Monday, January 29, 2007
Half Marathon
I'm on my second week of training for the Sprit of St. Louis Half Marathon. So far so good. I love it. I've been alternating running for 5-10 minutes and walking a couple of minutes... Yesterday I ran 4 miles at a pace of 12.9 minutes/mile. To me that's pretty awesome... Next Sunday its 5 miles!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Way to go, me
In Ryan's words on a myspace bulletin (he rocks my world, btw!):
"At Isabel's lab where she works, there was a mandatory inspection that all the labs in the building had to undergo(6 labs total). It was a big deal. She was in charge of making sure her lab was up to code before the inspection. On a scale of 100, each lab needed at least a 90 to pass.
She had still not seen her lab's score, when there was word that the five other labs had all failed the inspection. Even after the inspector told some of them that everything had looked good in their lab. Were all the labs getting failed just to prove a point? Not so. Isabel's score when she finally saw it: 98.
So if she's in your friend's list, please tell her way to go on a job well done."
And according to my boss:
"Congratulations Isabel,
Good work and thanks for making this the best report ever!"
I rock!
"At Isabel's lab where she works, there was a mandatory inspection that all the labs in the building had to undergo(6 labs total). It was a big deal. She was in charge of making sure her lab was up to code before the inspection. On a scale of 100, each lab needed at least a 90 to pass.
She had still not seen her lab's score, when there was word that the five other labs had all failed the inspection. Even after the inspector told some of them that everything had looked good in their lab. Were all the labs getting failed just to prove a point? Not so. Isabel's score when she finally saw it: 98.
So if she's in your friend's list, please tell her way to go on a job well done."
And according to my boss:
"Congratulations Isabel,
Good work and thanks for making this the best report ever!"
I rock!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Dreams...
Between the night of Dec. 10 and the morning of Dec. 11, 2006 I had a dream.
First, I woke up and saw a black figure by my window, something that disturbed me and frightened me. But as I focused my eyes, that figured disappeared and I fell into a peaceful sleep, once more.
This is when my dream, or may I say dreams, started.
I had a dream where I was in a room visiting my sick grandmother, Mamama. First I was alone, talking to her and asking her to wait for me to come visit. Then Ryan was there with me, and he hugged my grandma as if he had known her forever. Then my family....
And then I got very sad because I had not been able to talk to Mamama or be with her as much as I would have liked during her sickness. I did get to say goodbye to her. A goodbye that was a like a hug that never wanted to end... So I started to talk to my grandmother in my mind. Asking her to forgive me for that. Telling her that I had a great life and that I was happy. Telling her that if she was in too much pain, that she should go to heaven... Then something inside me told myself that I was being stupid. Why was I wasting my time talking to someone that could not hear me... And then another part of me, a part of me that now i recognize as my other grandmother, Any, told me that was not true. That when she was sick, she was able to hear my thoughts because she was already a spirit (there's a reference to this in my post 'Prayer' below), and Mamama was already a spirit too. And as I had done once before, I told Mamama everything I wanted to tell her before she died.
At 7am that morning I received a call. Mamama passed away between 4-6am. She was smiling.
First, I woke up and saw a black figure by my window, something that disturbed me and frightened me. But as I focused my eyes, that figured disappeared and I fell into a peaceful sleep, once more.
This is when my dream, or may I say dreams, started.
I had a dream where I was in a room visiting my sick grandmother, Mamama. First I was alone, talking to her and asking her to wait for me to come visit. Then Ryan was there with me, and he hugged my grandma as if he had known her forever. Then my family....
And then I got very sad because I had not been able to talk to Mamama or be with her as much as I would have liked during her sickness. I did get to say goodbye to her. A goodbye that was a like a hug that never wanted to end... So I started to talk to my grandmother in my mind. Asking her to forgive me for that. Telling her that I had a great life and that I was happy. Telling her that if she was in too much pain, that she should go to heaven... Then something inside me told myself that I was being stupid. Why was I wasting my time talking to someone that could not hear me... And then another part of me, a part of me that now i recognize as my other grandmother, Any, told me that was not true. That when she was sick, she was able to hear my thoughts because she was already a spirit (there's a reference to this in my post 'Prayer' below), and Mamama was already a spirit too. And as I had done once before, I told Mamama everything I wanted to tell her before she died.
At 7am that morning I received a call. Mamama passed away between 4-6am. She was smiling.
Adios con el corazon, que con el alma no puedo...
I translated this from something I said at my grandmother's funeral on Dec. 13, 2006.
"My words won't be as eloquent as my grandmother's, or my aunt's, but I think I owe this to my grandmother because she would have done it for me or to any of us.
Being away for something like this is hard and it provoked in me feelings of denial and frustration. I cannot imagine how hard it is for the people that are not here, like my brother.
But, My grandmother will be remembered for lots of things. For her voice in a song, and incredible unselfishness. But most importantly for me, she was a model of faith, and a key person in my spiritual and religious growth. And this is what helped me to accept her fate.
In the weeks before Advent, the end of the Ordinary Cycle in the Catholic Tradition, all the readings we heard during mass were about preparing for the 'end of times." And it was during one of this readings during mass one day that I realized that as the Church was preparing for the end, my grandmother was preparing for the end of her carnal life.
So, my message for you today is that during Christmas this year, and every other year to follow, do not be sad for the loss of my grandmother. Be joyful, because we have two reasons to celebrate: the birth of our savior, and the birth of a new angel in heave for all of us."
Mamama, eres mi angel. Cuidame desde el cielo. Te amo.
"My words won't be as eloquent as my grandmother's, or my aunt's, but I think I owe this to my grandmother because she would have done it for me or to any of us.
Being away for something like this is hard and it provoked in me feelings of denial and frustration. I cannot imagine how hard it is for the people that are not here, like my brother.
But, My grandmother will be remembered for lots of things. For her voice in a song, and incredible unselfishness. But most importantly for me, she was a model of faith, and a key person in my spiritual and religious growth. And this is what helped me to accept her fate.
In the weeks before Advent, the end of the Ordinary Cycle in the Catholic Tradition, all the readings we heard during mass were about preparing for the 'end of times." And it was during one of this readings during mass one day that I realized that as the Church was preparing for the end, my grandmother was preparing for the end of her carnal life.
So, my message for you today is that during Christmas this year, and every other year to follow, do not be sad for the loss of my grandmother. Be joyful, because we have two reasons to celebrate: the birth of our savior, and the birth of a new angel in heave for all of us."
Mamama, eres mi angel. Cuidame desde el cielo. Te amo.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
2006 Awards
1) Drinking Buddy of The Year?
Elise and Janaki!
2) Lifetime service award - Longest friend?
Lydia Ocasio
3) High Point of the year?
Graduating from Washington university
4) Low point of the year?
My grandma's death
5) Best holiday?
Thanksgiving because all the family got together after a very long time and it was the last time I saw my grandma smile
6) Anthem for 2006?
Accidentally in Love
7) Any regrets?
Noup
8) Best Night out?
Hanging out with La Secta in DC and Halloween at Buca where we saw Josh Kinney
9) Worst Night out?
Dec. 15. I went out and drank about 2 bottles of red wine by myself throughout the night. I was hung over for almost an entire day
10) Who did you spend your valentines with?
The girls
11) Best relationship?
with Ryan and the girls
12) Toughest relationship?
with my parents
13) Best concert?
Shakira!
14) Best New Relationship/Friend?
Ryan and the girls
15) Best decision made all year?
To stay in st. louis
16) Best new album that you have gotten?
Wicked
17) Proudest moment?
Getting a job
18) Most reliable person?
Lydia, Ryan & Lorena
19) Best job of the year?
Mine
20) Best Film?
Happy Feet!
21) Favorite quote of the year?
I love you too
22) Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best)
10!
23) Plans for 07?
To be happy and successful
Elise and Janaki!
2) Lifetime service award - Longest friend?
Lydia Ocasio
3) High Point of the year?
Graduating from Washington university
4) Low point of the year?
My grandma's death
5) Best holiday?
Thanksgiving because all the family got together after a very long time and it was the last time I saw my grandma smile
6) Anthem for 2006?
Accidentally in Love
7) Any regrets?
Noup
8) Best Night out?
Hanging out with La Secta in DC and Halloween at Buca where we saw Josh Kinney
9) Worst Night out?
Dec. 15. I went out and drank about 2 bottles of red wine by myself throughout the night. I was hung over for almost an entire day
10) Who did you spend your valentines with?
The girls
11) Best relationship?
with Ryan and the girls
12) Toughest relationship?
with my parents
13) Best concert?
Shakira!
14) Best New Relationship/Friend?
Ryan and the girls
15) Best decision made all year?
To stay in st. louis
16) Best new album that you have gotten?
Wicked
17) Proudest moment?
Getting a job
18) Most reliable person?
Lydia, Ryan & Lorena
19) Best job of the year?
Mine
20) Best Film?
Happy Feet!
21) Favorite quote of the year?
I love you too
22) Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best)
10!
23) Plans for 07?
To be happy and successful
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Prayer
I try to live every day in prayer. I always have. But I haven’t always been aware of it…
Prayer is an individual process; it means different things to different people and to me prayer is a way of connecting with ourselves and others, through a mutual relationship with God. God is our friend. He’s there when we are happy, but He’s also there to help us get through the hard times. (PAUSA)
Have you read Angels and Demons? I really like the way Dan Brown describes how God helps us get through the hard times in this book, so I’m going to share with you a conversation the camerlengo had with Chartrand, one of the Swiss guards, about God.
"Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Do you have children?
Lieutenant Chatrand: No, signore.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Imagine you had an eight-year-old son… would you love him?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would you let him skateboard?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Yeah, I guess. Sure I’d let him skateboard, but I’d tell him to be careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So as this child’s father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?
Lieutenant Chatrand: I wouldn’t run behind him and mollycoddle him if that’s what you mean.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: But what if he fell and skinned his knee?
Lieutenant Chatrand: He would learn to be more careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child’s pain, you would choose to show you love by letting him learn his own lessons?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly."
God is an all powerful and well-meaning being. He helps us learn form our experiences and makes us stronger.
The opportunity to pray is everywhere. I believe everyone prays, but sometimes we are not aware of it. We don’t need to spend two hours every day praying. Prayer is everywhere because God is everywhere: in midnight conversations with our friends, when the sun and the moon come out together, in a stranger’s smile, in our decision to come to Awakening. We just need to recognize these moments to appreciate the beauty of prayer.
Let me give you an example. Last year I was walking late to class, thinking of everything I had to do that day, when this squirrel jumped out of nowhere and I almost fell to avoid stepping on it. It was the biggest squirrel I’d ever seen, and it seemed so happy and giddy, as if it knew that it had just scared me. I smiled as I watched the squirrel disappear into some bushes, and kept walking. For a second I forgot about my homework, my problems, and everything. The world around me had reduced to just me and the giant squirrel. So I walked right into a green pole. (JAJAJA)
What I’m trying to say with this whimsical story is that moments like this, which make us stop to appreciate our life and everything around us, are in fact some of the most beautiful moments of prayer.
We can share prayer in community as well, with our friends and even strangers. Making a connection with other people is a way of seeing God. I love to watch people pray at mass, especially when they are singing. Through music I connect with who I really am, so when I see people singing and sometimes even dancing at mass I know that they feel the same way I do.
However, for me it’s really important to find moments were I consciously engage in prayer. I’ve found this really helpful when I’m feeling confused, stressed, or just when I’m happy. It was really hard to find the best way to pray for me. In the summer of 2000, I went on a retreat with a high school youth group. I spent two weeks in a place just like this learning about prayer and exploring my options. Some of my friends picked a specific time of the day to pray – while driving to school or before taking a shower. Routines don’t work for me. I get distracted easily. Sometimes I would start praying in my head and five minutes later I’d realize that my mind was wondering somewhere else as I said the Our Father, because even though I know it by heart, it can get repetitive and I forget its meaning. So I adopted as a pattern of prayer something I learned at the retreat. Whenever I sit down to talk to God, first I praise… then I give thanks… and finally I make petitions. This order gives me the opportunity to consciously think of everything I have and appreciate it before asking for something else. I can only ask for something, after I know what I have. This process helps me evaluate my life and to ask for forgiveness.
I use this form of prayer after Communion at mass. Engaging in this process of awareness, helps me understand this mystery of my faith: accepting the bread and the wine as a symbol that Christ lived… died… and resurrected to save us. But for me, the most important part Communion is sharing the moment with everyone else around me. As a Eucharistic Minister at the CSC, I have the opportunity to look at people’s eyes and connect with them as they accept Christ in their lives… for me the most amazing moment of prayer, an incredible feeling of joy and hope for our world. Because saying yes to Communion is saying yes God… Mary gave that same answer when she accepted becoming the mother of God: (PAUSA) “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” (PAUSA) With those words Mary said YES to Christ in her as Light… Teacher… Word… and as son of God.
At the Annunciation, Mary hears with attention what God wants… weighs what she does not understand… and gives herself to the fulfillment of the Divine will. Mary teaches us that obedience to God is not servitude, but moves us to question our faith, and guides us to discover ourselves and God. I love Mary not because the Mother of God received exceptional privileges, but because she lived and suffered simply, like us. Because she is human, I can relate to her as a model for imitation; as a mother to approach with childlike confidence.
When I pray to Mary, I pray for her to intercede for us, because when she accepted God’s will, she got closer to Him; I pray for her inspiration and strength so I can find what God has planned for me... That is what the Hail Mary means… we pray to Mary, who is full of grace and close to her Son, to intercede for us sinners now and at the hour of our death…. Mary is the best person to help me know Christ and I trust her to care for me and my needs.
Mary inspires me to pray; to become aware of God’s presence and to find and accept His will. (PAUSA) “May it be done to me according to your word; (PAUSA) Hágase en mi según tu palabra.” (PAUSA) That’s how I started my prayer diary on the summer of 2000 after I got back from the retreat I talked about earlier. It was a time of making big decisions: What do I want to study? To which university to apply? I even considered a religious vocation. The diary was a tangible form of prayer that helped me focus. Sometimes I would reflect on different things such as songs, poems, prayers, or verses of the Bible. But most of the time I just wrote how I felt.
Later that year I went on a service trip to Venezuela. I left my family for about 10 days and volunteered with a group doing social work, assisting doctors, and helping in a pharmacy.
The night I returned home, my father picked me up at the airport. He was alone. I thought that was strange. I expected to see my entire family at the gate: my mom, my dad, my little brother, my grandparents (PAUSA). I’m Puerto Rican; everyone picks you up at the airport. (PAUSA) But no one else was there.
When my father and I were alone in the car, he told me what was wrong. My grandmother, Añy, was in the hospital. (PAUSA) “Okay. She was sick? How bad could it be?” (PAUSA)
The image of my grandmother in the hospital is still stuck inside my head. She was asleep. Machines were beeping; tubes and cables connected to her body. (PAUSA) “What happened while I was gone? Ten days ago she was teaching me how to cook and now she didn’t even know I was there. ” (PAUSA)
No one expected what happen. Añy, had always been the piece that held our family together. When my brother and I were born, she took care of us while our parents worked. After we started school, she would walk two blocks everyday to my house to “feed the dogs.” That was her excuse to cook for us and to do our laundry. Every afternoon after school we would sit together to watch Mexican soap operas and talked about Ricky Martin and boys. My grandmother was one of my best friends.
At first I thought it was a temporary thing; that we would have Añy back in a couple of weeks. I was confident that God would somehow heal my grandmother, but time kept passing by and our home was starting to fall apart. My mother spent every day in the hospital. My father got back from work late. So my brother and I were left in charge of everything around the house. Everything Añy always did for us, but we always took for granted. My family rarely got to see each other, and when we did, we would fight and scream. I was angry with my parents for not being around the house and my relationship with God was getting weak. The tension in the family grew everyday. We were scared and did not know what was really happening.
A friend overheard a conversation I had with my godmother about Añy. The next day she gave me a note: (PAUSA) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (PAUSA) Through that simple gesture she gave me hope and brought God back into my life.
That night my mother told us Añy had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After that she started chemotherapy and had three operations. The last time, she had so much hope… (PAUSA) But the doctors couldn’t do anything. The cancer had spread everywhere. (PAUSA)
My mother decided to bring Añy home with us, and just wait. We didn’t know how much time we had, but we were determined to give my grandmother all the care and love she deserved. We had the opportunity to give her back everything she had always done for us.
It was Tuesday, I remember. I was getting everything ready when the ambulance arrived. Añy was so happy to be home. She was talking and eating. She got her haircut and looked more beautiful than ever. No one could tell she was dying. (PAUSA)
A week later, I had coffee in the morning with my grandmother and went to school like every other day. It was Valentine’s Day, so that afternoon I decided to go out with my friends to celebrate. When I got back home later that evening, Añy didn’t recognize me. I was scared and confused. The whole family was there, but no one was doing anything (PAUSA). Then I realized there was nothing to do (PAUSA).
I stayed with my Añy all night. I tried talking to her. I tried for hours to get a response from her. (PAUSA) “Are you thirsty? Where does it hurt? What can I do for you?” (PAUSA) Then she opened her big brown eyes, grabbed my hand, and told me: “nothing hurts.” (PAUSA) I was petrified. (PAUSA) I could tell she was in agony, but nothing hurt. It didn’t make sense to me, but that was the last thing she told me. (PAUSA) I gave up talking and just lay beside her, singing and praying until I was too tired to keep my eyes open. So I went to my room and opened my prayer diary, and wrote until I fell asleep.
The next morning my mother sent us to school and my father went to work. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Añy and started to feel really sick. What started like a small twinge became an unbearable stomach ache. By the end of the day I was almost unconscious.
When my mother saw me, she didn’t know what to do. Añy was getting worse and now me; her mother and her daughter.
I was sitting on a sofa next to my grandmother when a nurse arrived. She was like an angel. Even though she didn’t know my family, she knew exactly what to tell us. Her words were so beautiful and transmitted so much peace. The nurse calmed Añy and I also started to feel better.
But still, I was obviously dehydrated. My father arrived home early from work to take me to the hospital. Before I left I told my grandmother “Te amo.” (PAUSA) She opened her eyes and found mine. We made eye contact. We made a connection. Something told me the she loved me too.
While I waited in the emergency room, I just prayed in my head and practiced again and again everything I wanted Añy to know. The pain was almost completely gone when a nurse called my name. The doctor that saw me could not tell what was wrong and sent me home.
I was ready to leave the hospital anyway. I was feeling better and I wanted to see my grandmother. So I went outside to ask my father to take me home, but when I opened the door I saw my mother’s best friend. (PAUSA) She was there to tell us that Añy had died. (PAUSA) Of course I was sad, but I smiled. My grandmother was one of my best friends and I was going to miss her, but I couldn’t help feeling happy that she had stop suffering. (PAUSA)
The summer before I came to WASHU, I was cleaning my room and packing, when I found my prayer diary in the bottom of one of my drawers. I was writing less frequently now and had nearly forgotten about it. I opened it and started reading. Most of it was about Añy. It was emotional to remember how I felt during her illness and after she died. At first I was really optimistic, then I stopped writing for a few months… But something struck me more than anything. The night before Añy died, I offered her to God and asked Him to take her suffering away and to give it to me (PAUSA).
And he answered my prayer. (PAUSA) My grandmother and I were connected. Through the pain I felt I was able to let go of her physical presence and to offer her soul to God. Even though I was sick, I was unable to stop praying for her. The compassion I felt for my grandmother that day healed me and helped me understand and accept death as our salvation.
It took me almost two years to realize that I experienced a miracle. Keeping my prayers in a diary, was key to being able to go back and reflect until it was clear how God chose to manifest his presence, changing my view of prayer forever. Sometimes we don’t understand the power and significance of our prayers when we want to. God waits for us, for when we are ready to embrace its true significance. (PAUSA)
We experience loss everyday, not necessarily in the form of a person, and God is always there to give us hope and to help us move on. I believe God answers our prayers in the most unusual ways. I trust that even though we don’t always get what we want, we always get what we need.
I am graduating next year. Every time I call home my parents ask me the same question: “What are you going to do after WASHU?” When I started preparing for this talk, that was my most dreaded question, because I didn’t have the answer for it. But now I’ve realized that I don’t need an answer to that question. I’m still searching for that answer. I don’t know what I want, and the truth is I think I will never know. It is frustrating sometimes, not knowing. But because we often base our decisions on what we think we should do, what our parents think, or what our friends think, we forget about what God wants for us. And He wants us to be happy. And that happiness is in ourselves: getting to know who we really are and being who we really are, without appearances. That’s prayer. Connecting with ourselves and accepting our limitations is the first step to connect with God. Prayer is a conscious choice, a style of life. And through that process, we must be present and open to change. I’ve told you what works for me, but in the end, the only thing that matters is that we come with an open heart, just as we are. Because prayer does not change God, it changes us.
By me on November 2004
Prayer is an individual process; it means different things to different people and to me prayer is a way of connecting with ourselves and others, through a mutual relationship with God. God is our friend. He’s there when we are happy, but He’s also there to help us get through the hard times. (PAUSA)
Have you read Angels and Demons? I really like the way Dan Brown describes how God helps us get through the hard times in this book, so I’m going to share with you a conversation the camerlengo had with Chartrand, one of the Swiss guards, about God.
"Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Do you have children?
Lieutenant Chatrand: No, signore.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Imagine you had an eight-year-old son… would you love him?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would you let him skateboard?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Yeah, I guess. Sure I’d let him skateboard, but I’d tell him to be careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So as this child’s father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?
Lieutenant Chatrand: I wouldn’t run behind him and mollycoddle him if that’s what you mean.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: But what if he fell and skinned his knee?
Lieutenant Chatrand: He would learn to be more careful.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child’s pain, you would choose to show you love by letting him learn his own lessons?
Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn.
Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly."
God is an all powerful and well-meaning being. He helps us learn form our experiences and makes us stronger.
The opportunity to pray is everywhere. I believe everyone prays, but sometimes we are not aware of it. We don’t need to spend two hours every day praying. Prayer is everywhere because God is everywhere: in midnight conversations with our friends, when the sun and the moon come out together, in a stranger’s smile, in our decision to come to Awakening. We just need to recognize these moments to appreciate the beauty of prayer.
Let me give you an example. Last year I was walking late to class, thinking of everything I had to do that day, when this squirrel jumped out of nowhere and I almost fell to avoid stepping on it. It was the biggest squirrel I’d ever seen, and it seemed so happy and giddy, as if it knew that it had just scared me. I smiled as I watched the squirrel disappear into some bushes, and kept walking. For a second I forgot about my homework, my problems, and everything. The world around me had reduced to just me and the giant squirrel. So I walked right into a green pole. (JAJAJA)
What I’m trying to say with this whimsical story is that moments like this, which make us stop to appreciate our life and everything around us, are in fact some of the most beautiful moments of prayer.
We can share prayer in community as well, with our friends and even strangers. Making a connection with other people is a way of seeing God. I love to watch people pray at mass, especially when they are singing. Through music I connect with who I really am, so when I see people singing and sometimes even dancing at mass I know that they feel the same way I do.
However, for me it’s really important to find moments were I consciously engage in prayer. I’ve found this really helpful when I’m feeling confused, stressed, or just when I’m happy. It was really hard to find the best way to pray for me. In the summer of 2000, I went on a retreat with a high school youth group. I spent two weeks in a place just like this learning about prayer and exploring my options. Some of my friends picked a specific time of the day to pray – while driving to school or before taking a shower. Routines don’t work for me. I get distracted easily. Sometimes I would start praying in my head and five minutes later I’d realize that my mind was wondering somewhere else as I said the Our Father, because even though I know it by heart, it can get repetitive and I forget its meaning. So I adopted as a pattern of prayer something I learned at the retreat. Whenever I sit down to talk to God, first I praise… then I give thanks… and finally I make petitions. This order gives me the opportunity to consciously think of everything I have and appreciate it before asking for something else. I can only ask for something, after I know what I have. This process helps me evaluate my life and to ask for forgiveness.
I use this form of prayer after Communion at mass. Engaging in this process of awareness, helps me understand this mystery of my faith: accepting the bread and the wine as a symbol that Christ lived… died… and resurrected to save us. But for me, the most important part Communion is sharing the moment with everyone else around me. As a Eucharistic Minister at the CSC, I have the opportunity to look at people’s eyes and connect with them as they accept Christ in their lives… for me the most amazing moment of prayer, an incredible feeling of joy and hope for our world. Because saying yes to Communion is saying yes God… Mary gave that same answer when she accepted becoming the mother of God: (PAUSA) “Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” (PAUSA) With those words Mary said YES to Christ in her as Light… Teacher… Word… and as son of God.
At the Annunciation, Mary hears with attention what God wants… weighs what she does not understand… and gives herself to the fulfillment of the Divine will. Mary teaches us that obedience to God is not servitude, but moves us to question our faith, and guides us to discover ourselves and God. I love Mary not because the Mother of God received exceptional privileges, but because she lived and suffered simply, like us. Because she is human, I can relate to her as a model for imitation; as a mother to approach with childlike confidence.
When I pray to Mary, I pray for her to intercede for us, because when she accepted God’s will, she got closer to Him; I pray for her inspiration and strength so I can find what God has planned for me... That is what the Hail Mary means… we pray to Mary, who is full of grace and close to her Son, to intercede for us sinners now and at the hour of our death…. Mary is the best person to help me know Christ and I trust her to care for me and my needs.
Mary inspires me to pray; to become aware of God’s presence and to find and accept His will. (PAUSA) “May it be done to me according to your word; (PAUSA) Hágase en mi según tu palabra.” (PAUSA) That’s how I started my prayer diary on the summer of 2000 after I got back from the retreat I talked about earlier. It was a time of making big decisions: What do I want to study? To which university to apply? I even considered a religious vocation. The diary was a tangible form of prayer that helped me focus. Sometimes I would reflect on different things such as songs, poems, prayers, or verses of the Bible. But most of the time I just wrote how I felt.
Later that year I went on a service trip to Venezuela. I left my family for about 10 days and volunteered with a group doing social work, assisting doctors, and helping in a pharmacy.
The night I returned home, my father picked me up at the airport. He was alone. I thought that was strange. I expected to see my entire family at the gate: my mom, my dad, my little brother, my grandparents (PAUSA). I’m Puerto Rican; everyone picks you up at the airport. (PAUSA) But no one else was there.
When my father and I were alone in the car, he told me what was wrong. My grandmother, Añy, was in the hospital. (PAUSA) “Okay. She was sick? How bad could it be?” (PAUSA)
The image of my grandmother in the hospital is still stuck inside my head. She was asleep. Machines were beeping; tubes and cables connected to her body. (PAUSA) “What happened while I was gone? Ten days ago she was teaching me how to cook and now she didn’t even know I was there. ” (PAUSA)
No one expected what happen. Añy, had always been the piece that held our family together. When my brother and I were born, she took care of us while our parents worked. After we started school, she would walk two blocks everyday to my house to “feed the dogs.” That was her excuse to cook for us and to do our laundry. Every afternoon after school we would sit together to watch Mexican soap operas and talked about Ricky Martin and boys. My grandmother was one of my best friends.
At first I thought it was a temporary thing; that we would have Añy back in a couple of weeks. I was confident that God would somehow heal my grandmother, but time kept passing by and our home was starting to fall apart. My mother spent every day in the hospital. My father got back from work late. So my brother and I were left in charge of everything around the house. Everything Añy always did for us, but we always took for granted. My family rarely got to see each other, and when we did, we would fight and scream. I was angry with my parents for not being around the house and my relationship with God was getting weak. The tension in the family grew everyday. We were scared and did not know what was really happening.
A friend overheard a conversation I had with my godmother about Añy. The next day she gave me a note: (PAUSA) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (PAUSA) Through that simple gesture she gave me hope and brought God back into my life.
That night my mother told us Añy had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After that she started chemotherapy and had three operations. The last time, she had so much hope… (PAUSA) But the doctors couldn’t do anything. The cancer had spread everywhere. (PAUSA)
My mother decided to bring Añy home with us, and just wait. We didn’t know how much time we had, but we were determined to give my grandmother all the care and love she deserved. We had the opportunity to give her back everything she had always done for us.
It was Tuesday, I remember. I was getting everything ready when the ambulance arrived. Añy was so happy to be home. She was talking and eating. She got her haircut and looked more beautiful than ever. No one could tell she was dying. (PAUSA)
A week later, I had coffee in the morning with my grandmother and went to school like every other day. It was Valentine’s Day, so that afternoon I decided to go out with my friends to celebrate. When I got back home later that evening, Añy didn’t recognize me. I was scared and confused. The whole family was there, but no one was doing anything (PAUSA). Then I realized there was nothing to do (PAUSA).
I stayed with my Añy all night. I tried talking to her. I tried for hours to get a response from her. (PAUSA) “Are you thirsty? Where does it hurt? What can I do for you?” (PAUSA) Then she opened her big brown eyes, grabbed my hand, and told me: “nothing hurts.” (PAUSA) I was petrified. (PAUSA) I could tell she was in agony, but nothing hurt. It didn’t make sense to me, but that was the last thing she told me. (PAUSA) I gave up talking and just lay beside her, singing and praying until I was too tired to keep my eyes open. So I went to my room and opened my prayer diary, and wrote until I fell asleep.
The next morning my mother sent us to school and my father went to work. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Añy and started to feel really sick. What started like a small twinge became an unbearable stomach ache. By the end of the day I was almost unconscious.
When my mother saw me, she didn’t know what to do. Añy was getting worse and now me; her mother and her daughter.
I was sitting on a sofa next to my grandmother when a nurse arrived. She was like an angel. Even though she didn’t know my family, she knew exactly what to tell us. Her words were so beautiful and transmitted so much peace. The nurse calmed Añy and I also started to feel better.
But still, I was obviously dehydrated. My father arrived home early from work to take me to the hospital. Before I left I told my grandmother “Te amo.” (PAUSA) She opened her eyes and found mine. We made eye contact. We made a connection. Something told me the she loved me too.
While I waited in the emergency room, I just prayed in my head and practiced again and again everything I wanted Añy to know. The pain was almost completely gone when a nurse called my name. The doctor that saw me could not tell what was wrong and sent me home.
I was ready to leave the hospital anyway. I was feeling better and I wanted to see my grandmother. So I went outside to ask my father to take me home, but when I opened the door I saw my mother’s best friend. (PAUSA) She was there to tell us that Añy had died. (PAUSA) Of course I was sad, but I smiled. My grandmother was one of my best friends and I was going to miss her, but I couldn’t help feeling happy that she had stop suffering. (PAUSA)
The summer before I came to WASHU, I was cleaning my room and packing, when I found my prayer diary in the bottom of one of my drawers. I was writing less frequently now and had nearly forgotten about it. I opened it and started reading. Most of it was about Añy. It was emotional to remember how I felt during her illness and after she died. At first I was really optimistic, then I stopped writing for a few months… But something struck me more than anything. The night before Añy died, I offered her to God and asked Him to take her suffering away and to give it to me (PAUSA).
And he answered my prayer. (PAUSA) My grandmother and I were connected. Through the pain I felt I was able to let go of her physical presence and to offer her soul to God. Even though I was sick, I was unable to stop praying for her. The compassion I felt for my grandmother that day healed me and helped me understand and accept death as our salvation.
It took me almost two years to realize that I experienced a miracle. Keeping my prayers in a diary, was key to being able to go back and reflect until it was clear how God chose to manifest his presence, changing my view of prayer forever. Sometimes we don’t understand the power and significance of our prayers when we want to. God waits for us, for when we are ready to embrace its true significance. (PAUSA)
We experience loss everyday, not necessarily in the form of a person, and God is always there to give us hope and to help us move on. I believe God answers our prayers in the most unusual ways. I trust that even though we don’t always get what we want, we always get what we need.
I am graduating next year. Every time I call home my parents ask me the same question: “What are you going to do after WASHU?” When I started preparing for this talk, that was my most dreaded question, because I didn’t have the answer for it. But now I’ve realized that I don’t need an answer to that question. I’m still searching for that answer. I don’t know what I want, and the truth is I think I will never know. It is frustrating sometimes, not knowing. But because we often base our decisions on what we think we should do, what our parents think, or what our friends think, we forget about what God wants for us. And He wants us to be happy. And that happiness is in ourselves: getting to know who we really are and being who we really are, without appearances. That’s prayer. Connecting with ourselves and accepting our limitations is the first step to connect with God. Prayer is a conscious choice, a style of life. And through that process, we must be present and open to change. I’ve told you what works for me, but in the end, the only thing that matters is that we come with an open heart, just as we are. Because prayer does not change God, it changes us.
By me on November 2004
Monday, December 04, 2006
9 months...
"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
I am in love. Our first date was 9 months ago today and it gets better every day. Yeah, I keep count, and it may sound silly, but "honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love" (from A lot like love). Love makes waking up early to go to work on a Saturday worth it... Because at the end of the day, that someone special is waiting for you. Love is a risk worth taking. An adventure. Being in love brings out the best of me. To LOVE IS TO CHOOSE commitment, forgiveness, sacrifice, compromise... And love is constantly changing, and to be able to notice change and growth when you look back in time is to me one of the greatest miracles of love.
I am in love. Our first date was 9 months ago today and it gets better every day. Yeah, I keep count, and it may sound silly, but "honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love" (from A lot like love). Love makes waking up early to go to work on a Saturday worth it... Because at the end of the day, that someone special is waiting for you. Love is a risk worth taking. An adventure. Being in love brings out the best of me. To LOVE IS TO CHOOSE commitment, forgiveness, sacrifice, compromise... And love is constantly changing, and to be able to notice change and growth when you look back in time is to me one of the greatest miracles of love.
Friday, December 01, 2006
The first 5 minutes were fun....
Rain, Freezing Rain, Snow!!!
That's St. Louis... and the rest of the Midwest...
I don't know if this is the worst storm I've experienced in my 4.5 years in St. Louis, but it seems like it.
Yesterday morning we had some freezing rain, school got cancelled, my boss left work early, and eventually his wife called to send the rest of us home. I took the rest of the day to run errands and a trip to shop and save where I almost lost my purse... and got robbed ~$30.00. Even though it was freezing and the snow/ice was all over the place, it was fun for this Puerto Rican driving in snow for the first time.
But this morning.... oh this morning... I spent almost an hour clearing all the snow off my car.. and a tiny scare were the car was on but the motor was not running... Pague la novatada.... It actually sucks to have to drive around in snow!
Can't wait to play with it though!!
That's St. Louis... and the rest of the Midwest...
I don't know if this is the worst storm I've experienced in my 4.5 years in St. Louis, but it seems like it.
Yesterday morning we had some freezing rain, school got cancelled, my boss left work early, and eventually his wife called to send the rest of us home. I took the rest of the day to run errands and a trip to shop and save where I almost lost my purse... and got robbed ~$30.00. Even though it was freezing and the snow/ice was all over the place, it was fun for this Puerto Rican driving in snow for the first time.
But this morning.... oh this morning... I spent almost an hour clearing all the snow off my car.. and a tiny scare were the car was on but the motor was not running... Pague la novatada.... It actually sucks to have to drive around in snow!
Can't wait to play with it though!!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
I went home for Thanksgiving. I have many feelings to describe what I felt what I was there. I definitely felt loved by my family. I discovered a new meaning for the term family... and I am proud to belong to a strong, supportive, loving, and caring.
But the time came to say goodbye. First, goodbye to my uncle Pablo, his wife Carol and my cousin Kyle. I had not seen these people in years and it was so comforting to spend time with them and get to know them as an adult. And two days later goodbye to everyone else... and to Mamama. It is hard enough to say goodbye to the people you know, but how do you say goodbye to someone you may never see again, to someone who is dying... How do you transmit love, strength, peace and acceptance in one hug? Then it comes to perspective, that every day you say goodbye to people thinking you will see them the next day, in a few days, or in a couple of months.... and sometimes, in those cases, it looses it's meaning.. we never know, when the next time will be. Thankfully, there is always hope, and forgive my inability to make a good & coherent argument, I believe it is never goodbye, it is always 'hasta luego'. sometimes, it just sucks when you don't know when, where, or how that 'luego' will be.
I'm lucky, I'm thankful, and at peace. I do feel confused, anxious and little crazy sometimes... but most of the time I am just overwhelmed with blessings. I'm thankful for the time I spent at home for Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, that everyday shows me the meaning of commitment to love and to stay together. I'm thankful to my friends, that listen, that pray, that understand, that advise. I'm thankful for my job and my accomplishments. I'm thankful for having Ryan by my side because he has a way of making me the happiest girl in the world.
But the time came to say goodbye. First, goodbye to my uncle Pablo, his wife Carol and my cousin Kyle. I had not seen these people in years and it was so comforting to spend time with them and get to know them as an adult. And two days later goodbye to everyone else... and to Mamama. It is hard enough to say goodbye to the people you know, but how do you say goodbye to someone you may never see again, to someone who is dying... How do you transmit love, strength, peace and acceptance in one hug? Then it comes to perspective, that every day you say goodbye to people thinking you will see them the next day, in a few days, or in a couple of months.... and sometimes, in those cases, it looses it's meaning.. we never know, when the next time will be. Thankfully, there is always hope, and forgive my inability to make a good & coherent argument, I believe it is never goodbye, it is always 'hasta luego'. sometimes, it just sucks when you don't know when, where, or how that 'luego' will be.
I'm lucky, I'm thankful, and at peace. I do feel confused, anxious and little crazy sometimes... but most of the time I am just overwhelmed with blessings. I'm thankful for the time I spent at home for Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, that everyday shows me the meaning of commitment to love and to stay together. I'm thankful to my friends, that listen, that pray, that understand, that advise. I'm thankful for my job and my accomplishments. I'm thankful for having Ryan by my side because he has a way of making me the happiest girl in the world.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Algunas Cositas...
For some reason I feel like lately, it is harder and harder for me to make coherent, well organized arguemnts... So I have lots of random thought son my mind that don't make sense.... This blog will probably reflect that.
If you are reading this, I would really appreciate if you could take a moment to pray for my grandmother, Mamama. She has cancer. I'm going to PR to visit her and my family in Thanksgiving. We are celebrating turkey day, christmas and new years on the same day... For the first time in almost 7 years, all of my dad's family will come together.
The other day I went to Sprint to get a new phone. Mine had been broken for quite a few time and it was about time for me to go change it. I get there and the woman says it is going to be 45 minutes. She continued and asked, do you have that kind of time today? I said yes, followed by the realization that A LOT of people in this world don't have 45 minutes. In 45 minutes 675 people die somewhere in the world from cancer. That is one person every 4 seconds. And we waste time doing stuff that doesn't take us anywhere and doesn't do us any good. I don't know what is worse: to waste money or to waste time. I am a master procastinator... I waste endless hours on facebook, myspace, gmail... But I think I'm a little more aware now of what each second means.... And if I have 45 minutes I will use them and be thankful.
During discussion at RCIA they asked if it is harder to give of when you have a lot, or when you have very little. I've lost 3 of my grandparents already. Mamama is the last one I have left. There is something about how a grandparent hugs you and kisses you that no one else can do it the same way. The idea of not feeling that again in my life makes me not want to let go. I actually I just realized that I have something that I specially connect to each of my grandparents: Papapa, the three kisses; Añy, the cooking; Pipa, the sense of humor, Mamama, the singing.
It sucks to leave work when it is dark and rainy. I feel like my day is over at 5pm. I'm constantly paranoid walking to my car when it is dark... This is when I stop and think, wtf am I doing in St. Louis, the most dangerous city in the US?!
But I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have a crazy family. Because that crazy family does crazy things for love. And I've always felt loved and protected. Because I'm accomplished in a personal level. Because I have the love and support of Ryan. Because of the friends I've made, my chosen family.
I wish there was a right, concrete, objective answer for this: How can I love you better?
Think Positive, Be Thankful, Show Love, Forgive.
If you are reading this, I would really appreciate if you could take a moment to pray for my grandmother, Mamama. She has cancer. I'm going to PR to visit her and my family in Thanksgiving. We are celebrating turkey day, christmas and new years on the same day... For the first time in almost 7 years, all of my dad's family will come together.
The other day I went to Sprint to get a new phone. Mine had been broken for quite a few time and it was about time for me to go change it. I get there and the woman says it is going to be 45 minutes. She continued and asked, do you have that kind of time today? I said yes, followed by the realization that A LOT of people in this world don't have 45 minutes. In 45 minutes 675 people die somewhere in the world from cancer. That is one person every 4 seconds. And we waste time doing stuff that doesn't take us anywhere and doesn't do us any good. I don't know what is worse: to waste money or to waste time. I am a master procastinator... I waste endless hours on facebook, myspace, gmail... But I think I'm a little more aware now of what each second means.... And if I have 45 minutes I will use them and be thankful.
During discussion at RCIA they asked if it is harder to give of when you have a lot, or when you have very little. I've lost 3 of my grandparents already. Mamama is the last one I have left. There is something about how a grandparent hugs you and kisses you that no one else can do it the same way. The idea of not feeling that again in my life makes me not want to let go. I actually I just realized that I have something that I specially connect to each of my grandparents: Papapa, the three kisses; Añy, the cooking; Pipa, the sense of humor, Mamama, the singing.
It sucks to leave work when it is dark and rainy. I feel like my day is over at 5pm. I'm constantly paranoid walking to my car when it is dark... This is when I stop and think, wtf am I doing in St. Louis, the most dangerous city in the US?!
But I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have a crazy family. Because that crazy family does crazy things for love. And I've always felt loved and protected. Because I'm accomplished in a personal level. Because I have the love and support of Ryan. Because of the friends I've made, my chosen family.
I wish there was a right, concrete, objective answer for this: How can I love you better?
Think Positive, Be Thankful, Show Love, Forgive.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
A Philosophy of Life
"A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner, neither do uninterrupted prosperity and success qualify for usefulness and happiness. The storms of adversity, like those of the ocean, rouse the faculties, and excite the invention, prudence, skill and fortitude or the voyager. The martyrs of ancient times, in bracing their minds to outward calamities, acquired a loftiness of purpose and a moral heroism worth a lifetime of softness and security."
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
On the World Series
In case you don't know already.... I'm in St. Louis, home of the Cardinals... home of 'the best fans in baseball'. I was never really a baseball fan. Although I played in a league when i was about 9. Our team was the Rangers and I was the only girl. But my granfather was a fan, so I grew up watching it occasionally, but never paid attention or understood. It was not until March, that I started to understand, what an RBI or a sacrifice blunt meant... It inevitably happened when I started dating Ryan. At first I tried to follow the game just to show interest in something that seemed important to him… but slowly I became a fan… I have to admit I didn’t believe the Cardinals could win the Word Series… To me they never showed consistency during the season (closer Isringhausen always seem to screw up the games). But I had a few fun times at the stadium. I went to a total of 3 games, including one in a suite with tons of free food and drinks. Although I have nothing to compare it with, the view from the new Busch Stadium is amazing…
But the cards made it to the playoffs… it was an adventure everynight to decide were we were going to watch the game. My favorite spot: Applebee’s…. with half-prized appetizers and beer, no one can beat them. The Cards didn’t lose a single game we watched there. We watched game 7 against the Mets there… and after I called Molina’s Home Run RBI double and the Cardinals won the game, a stranger pulled out a bottle of champagne from out of no where and sprayed everyone there. Probably the most exciting day the Applebee’s has ever witnessed.
And then was the World Series. I’m so glad I had taken the time all season to get to know the players, understand the game, and see the players develop and the team get stronger… All that made me appreciate the series a lot more… And the night of October 27 I went downtown to a bar called Patty O’s, right next to the stadium. We got a spot right across the grainy TV the bar had set up outside for all the fans to watch. And it was amazing… Cold weather and all, we bonded sitting over each other and the asphalt. With each play we screamed, jumped with joy, and cheered… UnbeWEAVERable…. Until the last out, by rookie closer Wainwright, we were on the edge of our seats… hoping to win the game and bring home for the 10th time the title of World Series Champs. And we did… and it was beer splashing all over the place, hugging strangers, jumping and singing… Once the excitement cooled down a little, we walked over to the stadium, only to find the doors opened. And we ran inside and we saw Eckstein take his MVP trophy and car (which in my opinion should have gone to Yadier Molina) and Weaver run with joy around the stadium. It was amazing.
The next day we woke up to the news that our picture was in the paper, and later that day we met Josh Kinney at a club….. On Sunday, the most beautiful day of Fall we’ve had, was the Parade… We saw all the players very close… And just the excitement of a city coming together makes everything even more perfect. And that’s the end… I have no more words to describe my 2006 World Series experience…
The St. Louis Cardinals have a new fan.
Monday, October 23, 2006
What's going on in my life...
I've been wanting to write for a while... here it goes...
Life is good. After graduation, I didn't have a job... but I did have a couple of interviews pending. One here in St. Louis at the Medical School, one in Puerto Rico. So I interviewed here and then went home for about 10 days. The interview here went really well, I'm not going to waste my time talking about the PR interview... but the truth is that the time I spent there was amazing. The best time I've had at home in a while. Ryan met up with me there and I showed him the best of the island and we had a great time together. I came back, had a second interview at the Medical School and got the job. More than 4 months later I'm happy and satisfied with my current job and I stil haven't heard from that company in PR. I love my job, I can take it wherever I want, it's flexible... I'm simply where I wanted to be and that's my greatest acomplishment yet.
So I'm settling down in St. Louis. Got an apartment in Dogtown. Great location. I can walk to the restaurants, bike to forest park and the zoo, 5 minutes from work, no traffic, very cheap rent, 1 bedroom and very cozy... and across the street from Ryan. I'm decorating the apartment with puzzles... I still need some furniture but I'm doing great. I bought a car... a 2006 Chevy Aveo in Silver. It's small and roomy at the same time, very economic, a tank of gas last almost 3 weeks!!!
So yeah, I'm on my way to financial independence and security and all that crap we talked back then when I took personal finance a year ago... I still don't have a savings account and I'm not investing anything... but all I've mention: the apartment, the furniture, the car.. I bought with my own money... I'm paying everything with the money I'm making... I hope that by November or December I'll be done with all the major buys and start saving.
Other than that, I've been getting used to a very nice rutine... I come to work around 9am, leave at 5pm... cook dinner, go to the gym, and alternate between an occasional symposium meeting, cardinal's games, watching tv shows (lost, ugly betty), girls nights, engineering mentorship, and RCIA.... that's what I do and I love it.. I feel like I have the ideal life of a 20-something bachelorette.
There was a trip to Washington DC at the begining of the months... with its ups and downs it was pretty cool... meeting the resident comissioner and hanging out VIP with a Grammy Nominated band... i don't have to say anything else...
Ryan is amazing. And having him by my side all this time has made thing so much better and created beautiful memories.
So everything in my little bubble is as good as it can be. But I would always appreciate your prayers for my family's health... specially my grandma.
Hasta la proxima
Life is good. After graduation, I didn't have a job... but I did have a couple of interviews pending. One here in St. Louis at the Medical School, one in Puerto Rico. So I interviewed here and then went home for about 10 days. The interview here went really well, I'm not going to waste my time talking about the PR interview... but the truth is that the time I spent there was amazing. The best time I've had at home in a while. Ryan met up with me there and I showed him the best of the island and we had a great time together. I came back, had a second interview at the Medical School and got the job. More than 4 months later I'm happy and satisfied with my current job and I stil haven't heard from that company in PR. I love my job, I can take it wherever I want, it's flexible... I'm simply where I wanted to be and that's my greatest acomplishment yet.
So I'm settling down in St. Louis. Got an apartment in Dogtown. Great location. I can walk to the restaurants, bike to forest park and the zoo, 5 minutes from work, no traffic, very cheap rent, 1 bedroom and very cozy... and across the street from Ryan. I'm decorating the apartment with puzzles... I still need some furniture but I'm doing great. I bought a car... a 2006 Chevy Aveo in Silver. It's small and roomy at the same time, very economic, a tank of gas last almost 3 weeks!!!
So yeah, I'm on my way to financial independence and security and all that crap we talked back then when I took personal finance a year ago... I still don't have a savings account and I'm not investing anything... but all I've mention: the apartment, the furniture, the car.. I bought with my own money... I'm paying everything with the money I'm making... I hope that by November or December I'll be done with all the major buys and start saving.
Other than that, I've been getting used to a very nice rutine... I come to work around 9am, leave at 5pm... cook dinner, go to the gym, and alternate between an occasional symposium meeting, cardinal's games, watching tv shows (lost, ugly betty), girls nights, engineering mentorship, and RCIA.... that's what I do and I love it.. I feel like I have the ideal life of a 20-something bachelorette.
There was a trip to Washington DC at the begining of the months... with its ups and downs it was pretty cool... meeting the resident comissioner and hanging out VIP with a Grammy Nominated band... i don't have to say anything else...
Ryan is amazing. And having him by my side all this time has made thing so much better and created beautiful memories.
So everything in my little bubble is as good as it can be. But I would always appreciate your prayers for my family's health... specially my grandma.
Hasta la proxima
Thursday, April 27, 2006
last day of class...
at washu... this year... until who knows when and where....
bittersweet some might say... i dont know... i guess it just started to hit me a few minutes ago... i just want to stay here.... i just want a job offer in stl... i just want to stay around and continue growing in this place... i just know the end of my time here is not now... i just want my parents to understand that i NEED to stay here for me, for a change..... i want them to trust that part of me...
btw.. if you or someone you know works at the medschool or barnes and knows about a job opening... i'll take it...
bittersweet some might say... i dont know... i guess it just started to hit me a few minutes ago... i just want to stay here.... i just want a job offer in stl... i just want to stay around and continue growing in this place... i just know the end of my time here is not now... i just want my parents to understand that i NEED to stay here for me, for a change..... i want them to trust that part of me...
btw.. if you or someone you know works at the medschool or barnes and knows about a job opening... i'll take it...
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Whats up with me?
So a real post for a change...
Life is good right now. Less than 50 days for graduation and the alumni association has decided to keep a countdown in the middle of bowles plaza to let everyone know that the class of 2006 is leaving... or perhaps to make sure we actually go away... thankfully i never go around that area, so im not constantly reminded of the tiny detail that i still don't know what im doing after May 19.
Yeah. I still don't know. Staying here for spring break paid off in the sense that i got 2 interviews from the work i did during that time. One, a phone call with a company in PR. The other, my best interview experience so far: at Barnes Jewish. To give you a hint of the awesomeness of this experience, I got to lear all about the benefits of working at BJC which include taking classes at WashU... and i got in some scrubs and went to the operating room where a Puerto Rican surgeon was performing spinal cord surgery. Coolness.
I'm not talking about classes because that's boring.... CSU is over for me. "They let me go." Bigtime relieve. Carnaval is this Fri and Sat.... It has me crazy... but it will be over soon enough.
But the largest contributors to my state of happiness right now are my amazing friends. Janaki... Im just so lucky to have her. Elise is so amazing...
Life is good right now. Less than 50 days for graduation and the alumni association has decided to keep a countdown in the middle of bowles plaza to let everyone know that the class of 2006 is leaving... or perhaps to make sure we actually go away... thankfully i never go around that area, so im not constantly reminded of the tiny detail that i still don't know what im doing after May 19.
Yeah. I still don't know. Staying here for spring break paid off in the sense that i got 2 interviews from the work i did during that time. One, a phone call with a company in PR. The other, my best interview experience so far: at Barnes Jewish. To give you a hint of the awesomeness of this experience, I got to lear all about the benefits of working at BJC which include taking classes at WashU... and i got in some scrubs and went to the operating room where a Puerto Rican surgeon was performing spinal cord surgery. Coolness.
I'm not talking about classes because that's boring.... CSU is over for me. "They let me go." Bigtime relieve. Carnaval is this Fri and Sat.... It has me crazy... but it will be over soon enough.
But the largest contributors to my state of happiness right now are my amazing friends. Janaki... Im just so lucky to have her. Elise is so amazing...
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
From an away message...
Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand while you drive. Just hold her hand. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even if she says to stop. Slow dance with her. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her. Let her tease you back. Stay up with her when she's sick. Kiss her forehead. Let her wear your clothes. Kiss her in the rain. And when you fall in love with her, tell her.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
New Favorite Poem
Thought I should share with you, my dear imaginary audience... my new favorite poem.. Claudia Romeu recited it tonight at the Latino Symposium... and after reading it again when i got home... i realized that it in fact has some resemblance to my life right now... Enjoy.
the English Version..
Rima IV
by Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
the English Version..
Do not say that, treasure depleted,subjects lacking, the lyre sits silently:
There may not be poets, but always there will be poetry.
While waves quiver excitedlyat the kiss of light;
while the sun paints shameless cloudsin fire and gold;
while the air holds in its lapperfumes and harmony;
while in the world there is spring,there will be poetry!
While the discoveries of science do not reachthe sources of life,
and the sea or the sky holds an abyssthat resists calculation;
while ever-advancing humanitystill doesn't know where it's going;
while there is a mystery left for man,there will be poetry!
While we feel joy in the soulwithout our lips smiling;
while we mourn without tearsclouding our eyes;
while the heart and the headbattle continually;
while the heart and the headbattle continually;
while there are hopes and memories,there will be poetry!
While there are eyes that reflectthe eyes that gaze into them;
while lips respond sighingto lips that sigh;
while two souls in a kisscan mix confusedly;
while two souls in a kisscan mix confusedly;
while one beautiful woman exists,there will be poetry!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Highligts from DC and Harrisonburg
- i got to drive through the Appalachians
- we underestimated our trip times by: 2 hours, 1 hour, 3 hours
- i saw my godmother cuddled and drank with her
- i went to the model united nations 4 years too late
- chipotle made me sick
- We wasted nearly an hour walking around the campus of GWU looking for a bar and met the sons of two argenine diplomats....
- We discovered that everyone in DC speaks Spanish, everyone.
- An "unidentified object" (read bomb threat) at the Holocaust Museum split up Janaki and my friendship forever . . . and then I made a joke and things were back to normal.. and then we talked about how good it felt to survive this confrontation
- we were nearly blown away by the wind at the base of the Washington Monument
- we crashed the linconln memorial
- I met Becca
- Becca took us to the top of Reddish Knob, and I thought it was weird being on the top of a mountain and not being able to see the ocean...
- I was exposed to the wonder that is warm cookie dough
- I fell in love with Kings and now i want to play it every day
- We found the edge of the Universe/inspiration for Final Destination/Bermuda "Triangle" near the edge of Virginia. It was scary.
- I tought Janaki very useful Spanish/Puerto Rican words, such as "hookiar" and "pendejo" and "puta can can can can can can"
- We drove in the mouth of a wolf and i did not know where to put myself
- We nearly ran out of gas twice and now hate Southern Illinois . . . estupidos.
- We almost crashed into a car 1 exit away from Wash U
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Spanglish with Isabel
So, I've decided to make my own Spanglish/Puerto Rican Dictionary. Enjoy.
babysit
Lorena tiene babysitting por la noche.
bonche (bunch)
me falta leer este bonchesito.
break
Dame un break!
bill
Lo unico que me llega por correo son billes.
carpeta (carpet)
Tengo que limpiar la carpeta.
checkiar (check)
Tengo que chequear si tengo algo que hacer.
cheri (cherry)
Yo puedo hacer un nudito con el palito con la cherry.
cheesebegel (cheesburger)
Dame un cheesebegel plain.
clickear (click)
clickea aqui para visitar mi site.
diler (dealer)
aquel tipo es un diler de drogas.
eskipiar (skip)
voy a eskipiar mi primera clase
freezel (freezer)
mete la carne en el freezel.
ganga (gang)
voy a hanguiar con mi ganga.
likeo (leak)
tienes q arreglar el likeo del techo.
lockel (locker)
en highschool tenia un lockel.
mapial (to mop)
tengo que mapial la cocina.
palking (parking)
palkeate alli.
pari (party)
vamos pa'l pari del sabado.
pompiar (pump)
tengo que pompiar a isaura.
ponchal (punch)
Poncheame el ticket del palking.
to be continued.... all feedback welcome! :)
babysit
Lorena tiene babysitting por la noche.
bonche (bunch)
me falta leer este bonchesito.
break
Dame un break!
bill
Lo unico que me llega por correo son billes.
carpeta (carpet)
Tengo que limpiar la carpeta.
checkiar (check)
Tengo que chequear si tengo algo que hacer.
cheri (cherry)
Yo puedo hacer un nudito con el palito con la cherry.
cheesebegel (cheesburger)
Dame un cheesebegel plain.
clickear (click)
clickea aqui para visitar mi site.
diler (dealer)
aquel tipo es un diler de drogas.
eskipiar (skip)
voy a eskipiar mi primera clase
freezel (freezer)
mete la carne en el freezel.
ganga (gang)
voy a hanguiar con mi ganga.
likeo (leak)
tienes q arreglar el likeo del techo.
lockel (locker)
en highschool tenia un lockel.
mapial (to mop)
tengo que mapial la cocina.
palking (parking)
palkeate alli.
pari (party)
vamos pa'l pari del sabado.
pompiar (pump)
tengo que pompiar a isaura.
ponchal (punch)
Poncheame el ticket del palking.
to be continued.... all feedback welcome! :)
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
and this is how my last semester of college started
I got back one day late to school.... That saved me a few hundred dollars, which is always good.
It is good to be back. Sometimes, I get this random revelations and suddenly the place where i'm standing, the room i live in, the people i meet... everything and everyone gets a different meaning... sometimes i think it is cool, but it is starting to happen more, and more often.. then i think is weird.
had a job interview for a really cool position, in a really cool company, in a very cool city, that requires traveling to very cool places and learning very cool things. i'm really excited about it. cross your fingers so i get called back!
i'm taking some cool classes. i enjoy spanish and anthro... prob stats is a pain and kinetics... lets not even talk about it.
carnaval auditions were the last week or so... craziness...
i'm going to DC with my roommate in 2 weeks. so excited for the road trip... im going to see my godmother there.. and the lincoln monument.. yes, if you haven't noticed i'm obsessed with the lincoln monument.
ok... enough for now.....
It is good to be back. Sometimes, I get this random revelations and suddenly the place where i'm standing, the room i live in, the people i meet... everything and everyone gets a different meaning... sometimes i think it is cool, but it is starting to happen more, and more often.. then i think is weird.
had a job interview for a really cool position, in a really cool company, in a very cool city, that requires traveling to very cool places and learning very cool things. i'm really excited about it. cross your fingers so i get called back!
i'm taking some cool classes. i enjoy spanish and anthro... prob stats is a pain and kinetics... lets not even talk about it.
carnaval auditions were the last week or so... craziness...
i'm going to DC with my roommate in 2 weeks. so excited for the road trip... im going to see my godmother there.. and the lincoln monument.. yes, if you haven't noticed i'm obsessed with the lincoln monument.
ok... enough for now.....
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