Ultimate Rejection Letter

I stumbled upon this letter after my own rejection... I was very tempted to use it.
Enjoy.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Summer Plans/Goals

After delaying it for over a month I finally got a rejection email from a job I really wanted. Time for plan B. This summer will be about taking control of my life and making myself happy.

Daily: Train for Sprint Triathlon
Daily: Study for GMAT
Daily: Research/Apply to schools

May 6: Last Day of Class
May 7: STLYA Happy Hour at Iggy's
May 10-13: Monica in town
May 14: Radiohead concert
May 24-27: Jose in town
May 25: Sisi's wedding
June 6-9: Denver for Joe's wedding
June 17: GMAT
June 25-July 9: PUERTO RICO!!!
June 28: Laura's Wedding
July 13: Ryan's Bday
August 2: Triathlon
August 3: I'm 24 years old