Quote

"And don't think that just because I speak with an accent I think with an accent." -A walk in the clouds

A nice quote...

"Quiero amarte sin absorberte, apreciarte sin juzgarte, unirme a ti sin esclavizarte, invitarte sin exigirte, dejarte sin sentirme culpable, criticarte sin herirte y ayudarte sin menospreciarte."

"I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blame, and help you without insulting."

– Virginia Satir

Lonely

"When I travel to the States I feel as Latina as Chita Rivera. But in Latin America, I feel more American than John Wayne. To be Puerto Rican is to be a hybrid. Our two halves are inseparable; we cannot give up either without feeling maimed."
-Rosario Ferré

I've never been able to describe my feelings as well as Rosario Ferré does in the above quote. Of course, Rosario is one of the most important contemporary Puerto Rican writers, poets, and essayists. There's no measure between her and me. Been a 'hybrid' sets you apart, you belong everywhere but nowhere... I can relate to Superman and Pacheco. I crave a hamburger and fries as much as I crave tostones & lechon (fried plantains & pork). But I feel ignorant in conversations where popular American slang is used and I often need an explanation for certain words before I can laugh after a joke is made. It takes a lot of patience from my side, and from those around me to stay on the "loop" of things. Lately the circumstances around me make me more aware of this and I feel more like an outsider. And it is hard to admit you are lonely when you have a great job with a stable income, a comfortable routine, awesome friends, a crazy cat, and the most wonderful man in the world next to you every day. But I miss my family... a lot. I feel like the distance between us has made us different. I'm not really part of their lives and they are not part of mine. I've developed new perspectives and stronger morals that each day part further away from what I stood for and believed 5 years ago, as that innocent girl from a middle class catholic school in Puerto Rico that wanted to be a doctor. I'm jealous that my friends get to share birthdays and holidays and anniversaries with their families. And even though I've been part of that sometimes, I want to have my own family... I want to have lunch dates with my dad. I want to go shopping with my mom. I want to have a drink with my brother.

I know I've chosen this life. Here. In the mainland. I know that back in Puerto Rico my personal goals wouldn't be satisfied. I am happy to here. But it is hard to be this far away. To miss out the good stuff. And the sad stuff. I miss that warmth that only your parents home can offer. I'm longing for that.

From an away message...

Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand while you drive. Just hold her hand. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even if she says to stop. Slow dance with her. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her. Let her tease you back. Stay up with her when she's sick. Kiss her forehead. Let her wear your clothes. Kiss her in the rain. And when you fall in love with her, tell her.

New Favorite Poem

Thought I should share with you, my dear imaginary audience... my new favorite poem.. Claudia Romeu recited it tonight at the Latino Symposium... and after reading it again when i got home... i realized that it in fact has some resemblance to my life right now... Enjoy.

Rima IV

by Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer

the English Version..

Do not say that, treasure depleted,subjects lacking, the lyre sits silently:

There may not be poets, but always there will be poetry.

While waves quiver excitedlyat the kiss of light;

while the sun paints shameless cloudsin fire and gold;

while the air holds in its lapperfumes and harmony;

while in the world there is spring,there will be poetry!

While the discoveries of science do not reachthe sources of life,

and the sea or the sky holds an abyssthat resists calculation;

while ever-advancing humanitystill doesn't know where it's going;

while there is a mystery left for man,there will be poetry!

While we feel joy in the soulwithout our lips smiling;

while we mourn without tearsclouding our eyes;
while the heart and the headbattle continually;

while there are hopes and memories,there will be poetry!

While there are eyes that reflectthe eyes that gaze into them;

while lips respond sighingto lips that sigh;
while two souls in a kisscan mix confusedly;

while one beautiful woman exists,there will be poetry!

If I had my life over...

You know how you sometimes stalk people's AIM Away Messages... this one I just got from Isa and gave me something to think about..

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who live sanely and sensibly hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.
-Nadine Stair (written when she was eighty-five years old)